Caregiver Frustration

I fell down again today in which I reinjured my hand that I hurt fairly recently in the same way. Because, even though I’m bedridden, they think it’s bullshit thus making me have to figure out how to get up. Thus resulting in more falls and risking injury. So, here we are. No surprise that I fell again.

When I had to get up and figure out how to get to the other side of the house so I could inform them. Their response was not surprising but still frustrating af.

My caregivers response to me falling was, “you should really clean your room and get some of the clutter out so you’re not stumbling over stuff”. First off, I obviously can’t be cleaning and moving furniture out of the one, very tiny room I am confined to w/ my three cats who aren’t allowed to leave the room because of your violent dog that you refused to train him because you think that’s animal cruelty, for some insane reason that makes no sense. Yet, you are ok with feeding him purely people food including chocolate, nuts and onions.. you know, the things he’s not supposed to eat and thus would be the reason that he has a  failing liver, but whatever. SECONDLY, I didn’t fall because my room is “cluttered” because it’s really not. That’s your OCD. The mental illness which you say you’ve never of. But you have schizophrenia, too so I digress. I fell because I’m attempting to walk when I’m not supposed to nor can’t. My knees fail because i’ve needed knees replacements my entire life that you choose to ignore and scoff at. I get dizzy, or lightheaded or my vertigo or my heart flutters, sending an electrical shock feeling all through my body and become lightheaded and black out for a second. Or because my feet hurt insanely bad all the time. I have foot drop, swollen feet and ankles and insanely bad pain like a knife is being thrust through them. Sometimes when I try to take a step, my brain forgets how to step and I stumble or can’t move at all. Or it’s my stiff, painful joints and rapid muscle loss. Take your pick. I know what it’s not though.. it’s not tripping over imaginary clutter.

Then when I tell her that the hand feels tingely and kinda numb where the tiny screw is in the hand that broke recently. Her response was, “my arm gets that sometimes when I lay on it too long and I have to get up and move it to get the circulation moving again”. Umm.. that’s not remotely the same thing. That would be referred to as your arm falling asleep which happens to everyone. My hand feeling this way is because of the fall. That’s as dumb as my other caregiver when he stated he had never heard of pneumonia before, which I get every year. His response when I tried to explain it to him was, “oh, I get winded and out of breath when I walk to the mailbox sometimes so I understand. Umm.. again, that’s not even remotely the same thing. You’re completely incompetent to care for another human beings. 

The conversation just got more and more exhaustingly frustrated and I was losing precious brain cells the longer I stayed. So, I attempted to leave as fast as I possibly could given my condition. Went back to the tiny room, closed and locked the door and lit some incense, despite them thinking I was able to magically find some imaginary weed and smoke it in the room using incense to cover up the smell. I wish I had some weed, it would help ease the frustration of being stuck with two people who are completely incompetent of having my life in their hands.


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